Deny yourself, take up your cross, and come follow me.

" If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me." (Matthew 16, Mark 8, Luke 9)

I have been thinking about this verse the past few days and found 3 distinct aspects of this, all of which must be considered. First there is the denial of self. Aparneomai: a) to affirm that one has no acquaintance or connection with someone; b) to forget one's self, lose sight of one's self and one's own interests. However God, knowing me, did not stop there because it is far to easy for me to throw myself a pity party when I am denying myself, complaining and whining every time I do not get my desires. Or if I am not throwing myself a pity party, then I am boasting in my good works of sacrifice. Self denial does not make me a disciple of Christ. Do you see how easy it is to nullify the work of denying self by making it all about "me".

God knows me, and knows that if He is to get glory out of my following Him, I must go beyond denying myself. I must take up my cross. A cross is not just a fashion statement that I am to carry around as a proclamation to all that I am following Christ. The cross is a tool used to put a man to death. Sounds like fun right? A.W. Tozer said, "you knew one thing about a man that was carrying a cross out of the city, you knew he wasn't coming back." The cross is where, through repentance, I am able to overcome this flesh. At the cross denial of self becomes Christ being glorified. It is through the work of the cross that my very thought process is changed, and it is no longer me pitying myself for having to put to death the deeds of the flesh, or my boasting, but me choosing to be spiritually minded. Because to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.(Romans 8:6 )That is why Paul said in Galatians 6, "God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world." "Why should a person come to the cross? Why should a person embrace death with Christ? Why should a person be willing to go in identification down to the cross and into the tomb and up again? I'll tell you why! Because it's the only way that God can get Glory out of a human being!" (P. Reidhead)

Now, after having taken up my cross, I am to follow Him. This implies that I do not just stay on the cross, but I am to let the work of the cross have it's full effect. It isn't until we reach this place that we see the denying of self transform into love for Christ producing change in the way we think and act. And action must take place, from here we must follow. I cannot just stand there with the cross in my hands for the rest of my life. Repent, for the kingdom of God is at hand! Repent, climb on the cross, put to death this flesh, and move on from faith to faith. Taking up your cross is imperative! "He who does not take up his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me." (Matt 10:38) And what is it to "follow" Christ? To be joined to, union, to be connected to. Knowing Him, and Him knowing me. Not just me abiding in Him, but Him abiding in me. The self denial becomes an act of love. It is because I love Him, that I will walk in self-discipline, that I will obey His commands.

The simplicity of it all, the simplicity of abiding in Christ and not fulfilling the desires of the flesh, is finding its way into every area of my heart. God has been showing me and giving me opportunities to deny myself and choose Him. And I am seeing the fruit of it in my life, in my thought process, and even in my prayers. My selfishness, and selfish desires are being replaced with His mercy, grace, and compassion. He is moving, and I am grateful.

The soul balm of Sara Groves

Remember surrender • Remember the rest • Remember that weight lifting off of your chest • And realizing that it's not up to you and it never was • • Remember surrender • Remember relief • Remember how tears rolled down both of your cheeks • As the warmth of a heavenly father came closing in • • I want to do that again • Why can't I live there • And make my home • In sweet surrender • I want to do so much more than remember • • Remember surrender • Remember peace • Remember how soundly you fell fast asleep • In the face of your troubles your future still shone like the morning sun • • Remember surrender • Remember that sound • Of all of those voices dying down • But one who speaks clearly of helping and healing you deep within • • I want to do that again • Why can't I live there • And make my home • In sweet surrender • I want to do so much more than remember • • Remember • Oh surrender • • I want to do that again • Oh why can't I live there and make my home • In sweet surrender • I want to do so much more than remember • • Remember • • Remember surrender • Remember the rest • Remember that weight lifting off of your chest • And realizing that it's not up to you and it never was • •

The conditions of "unconditional" love

I have recently come to understanding that I do not know the love of God as much as I thought I did. Christ died so that I might know the love of God, yes. But even more so Christ died so that God might receive Glory from my life!! In order for Christ to receive glory from my life He must first receive glory from my death. Meaning, if I am not able to experience His Life until I put to death the carnal deeds of this flesh, then I cannot experience His Love until I have put to death my flesh. My knowing the love of God is contingent upon my being baptized into His death. The more I am baptized into His death, sharing in His suffering, the more I know His love.

We must choose between our love for this earthly life( the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life) OR loving not our lives even unto death. You cannot serve to masters. And that which you serve is your master. We must choose this day whom we are going to serve.

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the things of the world the love of the Father is not in Him. All that is in the world is not of God, but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us. And this is how we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us His Spirit. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God. "If you love Me, keep my commandments. And I will pray the Father, and He will give you an other Helper, that He may abide with you forever--the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive because it neither sees Him, nor knows Him; but you know Him, because He dwells with you and will be in you. Then, upon receiving the Helper will we be able to overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. For when we were slaves of sin, we were free in regard to righteousness, but now having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God, we have fruit unto holiness.

(Rev. 12:11, 1 John 2, 1 John 4, Romans 6)

I should have put this on here a while ago...but whatev.

This is a word God gave me through prayer the other night. I wrote it down and I feel compelled to share it with you.

Do you want me? Do you really want Christ? Or is it that you just have this false idea of what I am. And that is what you want? Have you been seeking your own agenda while professing to serve me for so long that you don't know if you are serving that image or serving me? Do you just want me for what I can give you - great friends, blessings (hopefully in the form of money), or maybe you just want me to bring you a moral person for a husband? Do you only want Me for what I offer to you? I know you say that is not true. But what does your LIFE say? If you love me, keep my commandments.

Don't I say that if you love me, keep my commandments? I know you like to quote that, but does your life PROVE that you love me? I didn't say "If you love me keep my commandments - but I know you're human so I'm just going to step back and let you work this out." By no means. I am saying, "If you LOVE me KEEP my commandments." Period. I promise I won't test you without giving you a way out. I will not give you anything that I have not equipped you to handle. I am not leaving you to bear this yoke alone. Look up to the hills, to ME, where your help comes from. Cry out to me in your time of adversity and I will come to you. Seek me I will be found by you.

So you choose this day, every day, whom you are going to serve. I will not share the throne of your heart with another. I will not share my throne with YOU. Please, NOW, count the cost of serving me. Weigh the balances. Do you want money, clothes, entertainment, food, friends, material stuff, or love MORE than you want ME? Do you? Really? Is this love for me going to be proven by your life? Don't falsely tell yourself that you love me more and continue to live the same way you are now. The day will come when you will wish you weren't so nice to yourself. When you will sincerely wish that you had not gone easily on yourself and copped out using the excuse, "I'm just human."

PLEASE decide. Please cry out to me to be MY CHILD and REPENT because the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand. Or at least stop lying to yourself and admit that you do not want to dwell in my kingdom because you are enjoying this earthly kingdom too much to be willing to give it up for my sake. You see, "accepting" me is not saying, "Lord and Savior come into my heart." Accepting ME is when your LIFE says "This world is DEAD to me. All else pales in comparison to following you. I GLADLY relinquish ALL control to YOU my King. I step down off of the throne and throw myself at your feet that you may now be my Lord. I can no longer stand in that place of my life, and once there You have free reign. You may shine light on any area of my heart, mind soul, and life. And then I will lay it on the altar saying, freely, My Lord this is yours. Let me die, O my God, sharing in your sufferings, your pain, that you may live through me." Your LIFE must say to me, "I believe, I have FAITH in your and your power to overcome sin IN THIS LIFE, thereby to live, HOLY, set apart to you and you alone. I seek not to please man, nor myself, but YOU my KING."

Does your life say that you are first and FOREMOST a child of the Kingdom of God? This Kingdom that is here and NOW - not when this mortal body dies, but when I by the Spirit put to death the deeds of the flesh. Or does your life say, "I profess to people that I love God. But I am a child of my earthly parents - humans. I live in the kingdom of THIS earth FIRST. I know what you expect of me through your word - but there are so many good excuses not to live like that. There are so many people in the "church" who don't live by your word, so you can't seriously expect me to. I am going to continue to live in THIS kingdom. And maybe, I will just drop by and visit you sometime when it's convenient. You know how busy I am, "Lord"." Please do not let yourself be so deceived. You either are my child, or you are not. So live according to the calling which I have set before you. I have no left you to do this alone, but I have given you a helper, my spirit. By my divine power I have given you all things pertaining to life and godliness. Therefore, walk in that. Come. You will be my people, and I will be your God. Walk with me. Run with me. Abide in me. Commune with me.

Passages in II Peter 1 and Galatians 5 go with this word.

God also asked me a serious question that I would challenge you to ask yourself as well. Here it is:

"Why do you love me? Jordan, Why? Is it because of my hand?"

My Lord, NO! I LOVE you because you are Holy!! I love you because you require that of me, and do not change your standards - not for me, not for anyone. I love you and I love loving you. I praise you that you have brought me to a place where I can cry out, O God, let me follow you all the days of my life! Grant me to serve you! That is all that I ask. Let me walk with you. Where you go, I will go. Let your people be my people. Let me continually share in your death that I may thereby live with you for all my days. This work you are doing in me, may it never cease. May I not draw one more breath unless you are in it. You, my God, YOU are my everything!

The amazingness that is my God!

Wow! That is pretty much all I can say about what God is doing in me these days. He is blowing my mind! We started a new house church, and God has been very faithful in that, and I praise Him for it. The other week Jeremy brought the book of Colossians 2 to share. I have been stuck in Colossians ever since and I have really been looking over it and seeing where I can apply it to my life. The heading of chapter 2 is "Not Philosophy but Christ". I like that. It brings me back to a quote by Corrie Ten Boom ~ We do not bring people to a faith, a religion, or a doctrine, but to a person, Jesus Christ.

6 As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him,

7 rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding in it with thanksgiving.

8 Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ.

9 For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily;

10 and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.

God has been showing me where I have indeed been cheated through philosophy and empty deceit according to the tradition of men. He has been rooting these things out of me and replacing the principals of the world that have deceived me with the truthful principals of Christ. He is showing me where my life does not line up with His word. I do not want to mis-represent Christ. He honors His Word above His name, and I am to be a representation of Him name in the earth, therefore I MUST be rooted and built up in Him, firmly established in the faith. I am complete IN HIM, which means that I MUST remain in Him. Daily WALKING in His Spirit, dwelling in His Spirit! As He has been showing me this I have found myself praying in His Spirit more that I have in quite some time...needless to say, its been amazing.

He didn't stop with ripping the selfish-me-centered doctrine from my heart, but went on to light a flame under one of the most intense relationships I have...the relationship I share with my sister. He has seriously challenged things I attribute to my personality, but really contradict the person He is calling me to be and need to change. It has been a very tear-filled process, but one I pray that He will get much Glory from in my death (because that is what it is, my dying to self that He may be made alive in me).

But in all of this He is SO faithful. I have found more of Him in step, around every corner, with every breath than seems humanly possible. It is an honor for me to prove my love for Him through obedience to His commands( John 14:15).

Where do I begin???

16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ:
for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one
that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek.
17 For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written,The just shall live by faith.
18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all
ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in
unrighteousness;
19 Because that which may be known of God is manifest in
them; for God hath shewed [it] unto them.

OK, I am not the best blogger, I kinda type how I talk, so you all will just have to bear with me.

So, yeah...I can't even begin to explain how much this sums up what God is doing in me, and really I could go through the whole chapter...like really!! Yeah, it's kinda exploding in me, but in really calm, sublte ways if that makes any sense.


Verse 16 talks about not being ashamed of the Gospel of Christ for it is the power of God unto salvation. Do I really get that? Do my actions prove that I get that? Am I daily living in a manner that would portray to the world that I am not ashamed of the Gospel? Because that is what being a "Christian" is. The Gospel is not something I accept, it is not just what I believe, but rather it is that belief put into action. 2 Peter 1 talks about this:

3 His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and Godliness through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence.
4 by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.

So now, having the divine power of God (how amazing is that) I must live in Godliness. Live Righteously. And not only have faith, but rather move on from faith to faith! If I chose not to live in righteousness, and instead in unrighteousness and ungodliness then the wrath of God is revealed to me because by my unrighteousness I am supressing the truth. I am holding to myself that which I should freely give. To be frank, I see this in my life. I can see where I have supressed the truth, where I have held it to myself and I am SO grateful the God has revealed his wrath to me that I may repent and move on, increasing in my faith and knowledge of God (2 Peter 1:5-9). If you read on in Romans it talks about those who "claim to be wise, but who have become fools" and I thank God that He has revealed to me my own heart on this matter. And thank Him all the more for His grace and mercies that allow me to give up these ungodly behaviors and acknowlegde Him.

Make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with
knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness,
and steadfastness with Godliness and Godliness with brotherly affection, and
brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are
increasing they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the
knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. ~2 Peter 1: 5-9

For you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness, and let
steadfastness have its full work effect, that you may be perfect and complete,
lacking in nothing. ~James 1:3-4

And as a finale a little Sara Groves:

God is doing a work in me
He’s walking through my rooms and halls
Checking every corner
Tearing down the unsafe walls
And letting in the light
And I am working hard
To clean my house and set it straight
Not let pride get in the way
To catch an eternal vision of
What I am to become
Will you help me be new
Will you hold me to the promises
That I have made
Will you let me be new
Forgive my old self, and my old mistakes
It seems easier
Living out my life in Christ
For those do not know it
To hide the thorn stuck in my side
And all my secret faults
But you know me well
And it’s you I want the most to see
And recognize the changes
A word from you empowers me
To press on for my goal
Will you help me be new
Will you hold me to the promises
That I have made
Will you let me be new
Forgive my old self, and my old mistakes
When I feel condemned to live my old life
Remind me I’ve been given a new life in Christ
Will you help me be new
Will you hold me to the promises
That I have made
Will you let me be new
Forgive my old self, and my old mistakes
Will you
You know me well
I just thought I would share.

I have a ton of energy right now

I am so incredibly excited that it is now springtime and a weekend!!! Things have been oh so crazy for oh so long, that I think crazy is becoming normal so it doesn't feel crazy any more. I dropped my physics class, which is one less thing for me to freak about, and frees up a boat load of time for me to study! Whoo-hoo for more study time! Kinda, because that now means that I actually have to fill that time with studying.

Lets make a list:

1. My crazy avocado paper got turned in today. Finally!!! I only started it, what, 8 WEEKS ago!!But I really like that class:

a) because the topics of conversation are HILARIOUS!

b) my classmates are super fun in general

c) it is cancelled A LOT

d) the slow pace is a reprieve from my other fast paced classes.

2. I am starting an argument paper and picking the topic is hard because there are so many good topics that I can't seem to pick.

3. There are only 2 months left in the semester!! Crazy!! Yet awesome all at the same time!

4. I have been spending some time thinking this week about how much of a self talker I am. Really. It seems like ALL DAY long I am constantly talking myself into and out of doing things. I have talked myself into lunch, studying, sleeping, "napping", reading a book in class despite being rude", not reading a book in class because it would be rude", and so many more things that I couldn't begin to list.

5. I want to go to next weeks baseball game. I think I have more school spirit for non-football sports than for football. Not that I don't have school spirit for football, just more for other things.

6. I am listening to Bekah sing rather off key while she is "tanning" in my parents backyard. I say tanning like that because it is really burning, she just doesn't want to believe that.

7. Bekah and I are at my parents house tonight because our AC is broken. She had wanted to stay here anyway, but I wanted to wait and just come over here in the morning. She got her way by default.

8. I read Utopia by Thomas More just because I saw it in the bookstore, and it had a pretty cover, and it was mentioned in Ever After which is a movie that I like very much. That was one of the things I self-talked myself into buying, then reading instead of studying, then possibly using to further my argument for prohibition of alcohol in my argument paper. I have since self-talked myself out of using that as a topic due to the lack of current media on the topic.)

9. I love, love, love pickles. Dill pickles that is. Cindy got me some. She is awesome. Sometimes I think I cohabitate (is that the right word? Is that a word at all actually) better with her than I do with Bekah.

10. A sister is a really great thing to have. I miss all of mine.

11. I am really enjoying where I am at in life right now. Though I am constantly thinking about things I need to do that would make where I am at more productive for myself in the long run, I need to do those things.

12. I am taking the MCAT in the fall. Just for practice, I'm sure I will take it again. Yay for med-school entrance exams.

13. Some goofy person on Greenwell Springs Road (the same road that I live on) paid $20 for me to ship them a stupid diploma frame rather than just drive to LSU and pick one up. I was quite frustrated with them earlier this week because it was quite the hassle. If it were not rude and unprofessional I would write them a letter informing them of their utter stupidity regarding this matter.

14. I am bored with this now. So I am going to stop and go back to browsing el interneto.