Your word is a lamp unto my feet...

So I am not sure that there are words to explain what is happening in my life just now. I see things through tinted window it seems. I cannot see the big picture, only a few moments at a time, for what each moment holds, and how it either furthers my walk of hinders it. I see what is to the left and to the right of my path, and then myself stopping, looking, contemplating. Then I keep on walking, a slow gait, trudging along, with only a dim light. I see when I do stop, and actually take a step off of the path, that while off I cannot see what is happening in the light of the path, yet I know that things are happening. I see myself get back on the path and take one more step, then stop, another step, then stop, as a bride walking down the asile. Where the path leads I cannot see, the road not yet traveled is a mystery. However everything behind me is very clear, and vivid, holding both horrors, and love. I am reminded of the comming out of Egypt, and though out, I still am charged with the respnsibility of getting the Egypt out of me. God makes the path out, He provides the way. The responsibility of getting out, and removing of it is left to me. It holds both joy and suffering, pain and comfort, peace and war. I am simply walking. Looking for something. The question I ask myself, is am I trying to find my life? If so I know that I must loose my life in order to find it. Or am I looking for Gods will? If so than I must be content to walk where He would lead. Why am I walking and not running, or am I walking in the wrong direction, did I get off of the right path somewhere? I am not sure...I don't know where to start to correct anything. The Word sounds like a good place for now. That is all I know. It is true.