The Joy of Being a Nobody

"For if any person thinks himself to be somebody [too important to condescend to shoulder another’s load] when he is nobody [of superiority except in his own estimation], he deceives and deludes and cheats himself. But let every person carefully scrutinize and examine and test his own conduct and his own work. He can then have the personal satisfaction and joy of doing something commendable [in itself alone] without [resorting to] boastful comparison with his neighbor." Gal. 6:3-4 {AMP}

I didn't have any great plan set out before me of the things I would accomplish while being in Nepal. I didn't have a grandiose idea of the change I would be able to affect. I prayed. I knocked. And the door was opened.

I got here and was actually somewhat skeptical as to whether there would be anything for me to do in these 6 weeks here. The first few days were spent at Anandaban Hospital. I went along on ward rounds, saw a bit of surgery, and got an idea of the work they do there. And I started to scrutinize and examine  my own conduct and work in comparison with my neighbor. And what I found was not that I had anything to boast in, but rather that I felt quite inferior. I enjoyed what I saw and the people that I met, but felt as though what I had to give did not fit their need. I was admittedly discouraged every time the question "Are you in nursing or medicine?" came about and I would respond with, "No...I work at a quilt shop." then have to watch as their face formed a puzzled look of "what in the heck are you doing here then?" In this I deluded and cheated myself. In comparing myself with my neighbor I found no value in the work before me. These days, however interesting and enjoyable, left me questioning in myself, "Why am I here?"

I may not have said as much, but I wanted to be able to "boastfully compare myself with my neighbor." I wanted to find value in what I was doing. But see, that is the very thing God wanted to work out of me. He needed to show me that Value is not in what a person does, how they are able to serve, or what needs they can fulfill but rather Whom they serve. So God allowed me those days of feeling "useless" to remind me that all I have comes from Him. The talents He has given me may not look the same as my neighbors, but they are no less of a talent and they are not "useless" in His eyes.

The thing is, there are SO MANY amazing people here. Everyone has a story, a testimony of how God brought them here, how He has worked in and through their lives. It can be so easy to look at someone who has been a missionary for the past 45 years and wonder "How could I ever compare to them, to how they got here, to what they do?" I had to realize that God didn't bring me here to compare myself to these people. And He didn't breathe life into me so that I could stay home and compare myself to the work and life of my friends there either. My life is both from Him and for Him. My talents are both from Him and for Him. Joy isn't in the testimony; joy is in Whom the testimony testifies of. 

Though it took a few days, I have found such great joy in being a nobody and letting Christ be my Everything. In choosing not to think more highly of myself than I ought, I am able to be encouraged by the great cloud of witnesses surrounding me. I am able to find joy in serving along side them in whatever capacity that may be.

"For he who sows to his own flesh (lower nature, sensuality) will from the flesh reap decay and ruin and destruction, but he who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint. So then, as occasion and opportunity open up to us, let us do good [morally] to all people [not only being useful or profitable to them, but also doing what is for their spiritual good and advantage]. Be mindful to be a blessing, especially to those of the household of faith [those who belong to God’s family with you, the believers]." Gal. 6:8-10

By seeking to compare my acts of service to my neighbor I was "sewing into my own flesh", and found  very much the decay, ruin and destruction that had on my Spirit. But in seeking to serve Christ in whatever form that may take and sowing to the Spirit, my Spirit has been made so much more alive by the Life of Christ inside me than I could have hoped for.

It didn't take long after coming to this realization for God to start fulfilling His purpose in my being here. Every day has opened up new or different opportunities for me to do good, to be useful or profitable in various ways. I have been able to join in visiting those in prison and in crafting new ideas for hand bags or cards made by women with HIV or coming out of sex trafficking as a way of earning income. I have both been blessed and am able to be a blessing through prayer with some of the missionaries here and being able to teach them how to make bread. I will get to visit an orphanage and recovery center for women and children rescued from human trafficking. I get to record the stories of the leprosy patients as I shadow the hospital counselor. I got to organize the pharmacy. These things, though valuable, do not define my value system any longer. The point I have come to realize is that my joy, my worth, my life has meaning only through abiding in Jesus Christ. My being here today in Nepal is of no more or no less value to Him than my being in a quilt shop in Central, Louisiana. I would be of no more value to Him if I were a nurse, doctor, teacher, researcher, or linguist. My being in Him wherever I am and whatever I am doing is ALL that matters. 

I pray that wherever you are and whatever you are doing, today you would find joy through abiding in our Savior. Peace be to you as you walk in His grace today!